So, once again Podge & Tubbs return to their second home, The Britannia. This time they would be sailing to Scandinavia and celebrating Tubbs’s Birthday, a 14 night cruise. Later on, Podge was to enjoy his birthday cruise as well but, that would only be a 7-night cruise and NOT on the Britannia- Poor Podge.
Boarding the Britannia was, as always, trouble free with direct access via the priority embarkation lane and priority security checks. Once onboard they checked in at the muster station when who should they meet but Nancy from previous cruises. She seemed overjoyed to see them both and desperate to check on the progress of Podge’s Food_Baby, grabbing hold of him and putting her ear to his tummy to listen for sounds (this kind of bemused some fellow passengers). Eventually, they did manage to check in at the aforementioned muster station after which they went directly to the Meridian Restaurant for their welcome aboard lunch, accompanied by fizzy pop and lots of wine.
One of the waitresses came to top up their glasses and recognised that it was Podge and Tubbs…big hugs all round and she said how wonderful it was to see them to which Podge replied “I know 😋” in his usual smiley way.
Hunger and thirst sated (especially their thirst), they made their way to their quarters (suite). On the way they ran in to Ajit [the Hotel General Manager], who they knew from previous cruises. Ajit gave Tubbs a big hug and politely shook Podge’s hand (Podge thinks he needs to keep an eye on those two🫣).
This was becoming a reunion cruise…
Hunger and thirst [temporarily] sated, they made their way to their cabin entered and looked at each and both said, in unison, “We’re home”. They checked all was as expected (it always is), counted their cases (7 of them, for 2-weeks!) and relaxed. Tubbs then carried out her secretarial duties (while Podge checked out the balcony layout) and confirmed that all was ‘ship shape and ready’ and then spotted that their butler was none other than Asmita once again: Podge and Tubbs were very, very happy bunnies. Podge because he had a very nice tidy Balcony and Tubbs because she could look forward to lots of girlie talk with Asmita (as women do 😋).
This was definitely a reunion cruise…
The following morning, Podge and Tubbs made their way to the Epicurean for breakfast (climbing 4 flights of stairs, Poor Podge) and met Penny & Jocelyn, waitresses from a previous cruise who confirmed that a certain Roger previously from the Epicurean was on board as well but was now working in the Beach House. Also their favourite Maitre Dee (Thiru) was back who had spotted that Podge & Tubbs were back on board via the guest list and had already prepped their favourite table (23) by the window. This was going to be a good cruise.
Yep, this certainly was a reunion cruise…
The following day, the Britannia pulled into Stavanger, parked up and tied up the strings all nice and tight. Breakfast was in the Epicurean (climbing 4 flights of stairs again, Poor Podge) but as it was Tubbs’s Birthday, this did at least include a glass of fizzy pop (mainly because Podge wanted some).
Post breakfast, they both joined a ‘Leisurely Stavanger With Coffee Break’ excursion mainly to see the Three Swords that they’d read about but never actually seen. At least, post excursion, they were able to say they’d seen them, albeit through mist and rain: Mind you, they are 10 meters high! They then went to the harbour in Tanager to see the statue of the two sisters known as the “Flatholmen girls“. Both Podge and Tubbs took the guides word that it was a lovely statue and harbour but as it was pouring with rain and really windy they both stayed inside and ‘enjoyed’ waffles and coffee before getting back on the coach which took them back to the ship.
Once back on the Britannia, Podge & Tubbs headed for their quarters for a nice warming drink (Tea for Tubbs, scotch for Podge) just in time for Asmita the butler & Monty the cabin steward to bring along a special cake & prosecco for Tubbs that Asmita and Monty had arranged themselves. Mind you, Podge had also ordered a birthday package for Tubbs including a large cake, prosecco, commemorative photo and fine dining evening. As it happened, the cake arrived 2-days later having been sat on the counter in the kitchen waiting to be collected! Dinner that evening was back to the Epicurean (Table 23 of course) followed by drinks in the Crows Nest, until Podge’s age and condition demanded he went to bed: Poor Podge.
The following morning Podge and Tubbs had their early morning tea/coffee on the balcony as the Britannia was parking in Olden. This was a place they’d visited before so was in no hurry to go ashore which allowed for a leisurely breakfast, even though Podge still had to climb 4 flights of stairs again as he wasn’t allowed to take the lazy lift option. Poor Podge.
Post Breakfast, they both ambled ashore for a short stroll, they actually managed a mile each way which was good for Podge. Before heading back on board however, Tubbs ‘needed’ to check out the shops for Fridge Magnets. Naturally she found some though Podge did wonder where they were actually going to go! He was assured that there was enough space. Podge remained a non-believer.
Eventually, they made their way back on board and headed for the Glass House for a bottle of their favourite red wine, Zensa Primitivo. The plan was to have a glass each and then take the bottle back to the cabin. The bottle never made it to the cabin, they drank it all at the bar.
When it was time to leave port a lovely English couple who ran the bar and cafe in Olden right next to where the ship was berthed, gave them all a lovely send off, with music blaring over the fjord really, really loud and we thus set sail to Sweet Caroline, Delilah and We are Sailing. Everyone was singing along and waving flags: It was so uplifting.
Dinner that evening was in the beach house where they had a window seat courtesy of Roger who also presented them with 4 very yummy giant prawns, for Debbie’s birthday: Podge ate them all. Lucky Podge.
After a night struggling to digest all he ate the previous evening, especially the King Prawns Podge finally got ready and headed up to breakfast (Podge was allowed to use the lift this morning, Lucky Podge.)
Post breakfast, Podge & Tubbs had booked themselves onto a trolley train excursion to the top of mount aksla for a slice of cake and photo opportunity. One assumed that they could have tried to climb the 500 steps up to the top (check out the zigzag in the picture) but decided against it. Even if Tubbs could have made it (unlikely) Podge definitely wouldn’t have (poor podge). So, the trolley train it was: So much more relaxing though failed to let them know that on arrival they had to climb over 100 steps (according to Podge) to reach the cake and coffee bar (Podge, it was actually only 20). From the top they had amazing views down to the ship and surrounds.
That evening dinner was in the limelight in the company of Andy Abraham, who was really rather good, singing and recounting the early years, resonating with people of a certain age, such as Podge. After dinner they went to the Crows Nest for a drink (what a surprise) ordered their new favourite tipples, whisky for Podge and a passion fruit cocktail (they don’t do cosmopolitans anymore, much to everyone’s confusion or, do they 😉?) which was ‘on the house’ courtesy of Ajit so they had to have another one afterwards. Then it was time for bed. Podge can’t manage late evenings anymore: Poor Podge.
The next day was a sea day so there was no parking up or tying up of strings. This would be a day of rest and relaxation except that today was, what Podge calls, Captains Lunch: In reality it’s a loyalty lunch for serial offenders who just can’t stay away from P&O. Now, these lunch’s tend to be accompanied by free flowing fizzy pop and white/red wine. Podge restrained himself by skipping the red but he did double up on the rest 😋. It was here that they met M&M who were celebrating their 50th Wedding Anniversary. Having satisfied themselves that P&T were indeed of good character they were Invited to their suite on 5th September for cocktails. This pleased Tubbs immensely as she now had an excuse to go ashore the next day shopping for cards and gifts and, look for tops and fridge magnets.
As today was a formal evening (posh suit and frock) it was imperative that as much siesta time was gained before dinner and Podge would have to, once again, climb 4 flights of stairs to the restaurant. Poor Podge. Their siesta was short lived however as Asmita (Butler) arrived with Tubbs’s birthday cake that Podge had ordered before joining the ship, as a surprise.
The cake looked a little sorry for itself so, it was placed in the fridge.
Oslo, their next stop provided a good opportunity to seek out a card and pressie for M&M’s 50th Wedding Anniversary but what to get them, was the big question. Then Podge had one of his inspirational ideas, ‘why not get them 50 Ferraro Roche, they after all wrapped in gold coloured paper”: Brilliant said Tubbs, that exactly what we’ll get if we can find any. With that Poor Podge was forced to walk into town to look at shops mainly to look for 50th anniversary card and present. Amazingly they found a card shop that had the perfect card then went into a supermarket where they found Ferraro Roche in cartons of 16. Perfect, 4-packs bought, job done. All that was needed now was two fridge magnets! Tubbs wondered if H&M sold fridge magnets (they didn’t) but they did sell nice tops for Tubbs. As we all know, a woman with a new top is a happy woman. Tubbs was, again, a happy woman. Objective achieved, they made their way back to the ship stopping on the way for Podge to get his breath back and look longingly at the Britannia. Poor Podge.
Getting back to their cabin, Tubbs cheered Podge up pointing out to him that had they 3-packs of Ferraro Roche they would have been 2-short but, by buying 4-packs they had an excess of 14 which they could eat themselves. Mmmm thought Podge, yummy, yummy, gimme, gimme.
They had no specific dining plans that evening so they opted to visit the Glass House for a couple of small glass’s of wine (that should actually read a bottle of wine) and try to get a table for a light dinner. Getting a table was really easy as Nancy spotted them and took them straight to a prime table by a window. Podge got carried away and ordered yet another bottle of wine, this time however it was a bottle of Breaky Bottom, 2018 Seyval Blanc, Cuvée Brian James. According to the wine list (pulled together by Ollie Smith) there was only 6664 bottles of this English fizz made and, in his words, “it’s as dazzling as a sunbeam over the chalk Downs of East Sussex where the grapes for this wine are grown”. Podge couldn’t disagree, Tubbs just loved its zingyness. Podge will probably be buying a case when they get home (actually, Podge did). In the mean time however, they bought one to take home post cruise. Podge & Tubbs slept well that night.
Main birthday cake still in the fridge.
The day after Oslo was a sea day (no parking up, no tying of strings), and it was M&M’s Anniversary day. So, at the allotted hour, they went along to their suite with the card and the 50 Ferraro Roche yummies as they were wrapped in gold (not real gold).
There wasnt a lot else to else to do that day so both Podge & Tubbs took it easy relaxing in the sunshine on the balcony before getting ready for dinner in the Epicurean. After this they went along to the Crows Nest (what a surprise) for a drink or two before retiring early in anticipation of their excursion to Sweden the next morning.
Main birthday cake still in the fridge.
The following morning saw the Britannia parking up in Copenhagen. Once all the strings had been tied up, passengers were allowed ashore. It was from here that Podge and Tubbs had booked a Swedish Sojourn across the Øresund Bridge into Sweden, more specifically, to Lund and Malmo. The first stop was Lund where they were recommended to visit the Lund Cathedral to view the Lund astronomical clock. They did, they explored that cathedral and eventually found the clock. So they sat and waited, and they waited, and they waited, for the promised parade of statues across the face. Eventually, it happened and Podge and Tubbs looked at each other and said in unison, shall we go look for fridge magnets! The next stop was in Malmo, here they found a hidden art gallery with, conveniently, a rather yummy Scandinavian feeling cafe: Here they had the largest pain o chocolate and cinnamon bun they have ever seen. Their tummies very full, they continued to explore, looking for, you’ve guessed it, fridge magnets. Eventually they found a shop that held so much promise. It was here that Tubbs bought a traditional, hand-carved and hand-painted wooden model of the iconic Dala Horse (Dalahäst) (measuring just 11cm tall) for which Tubbs was charged €39 (when they got home they found they could have bought one on-line for around £15. They did of course buy a couple of fridge magnets and a Sweden Mug for Podge. At least the mug and horse could be added to the stock of heirlooms for the children when Podge and Tubbs are dead. 😵
On their return to the ship, they had time to relax, in the Glass House with a glass of wine of course, before getting ready for a new adventure on-board. They had booked an evening in the cookery club where you can learn to cook various dishes or just be served various dishes and have them explained to you and which wine would go best with each dish. Podge and Tubbs opted for the second option and learnt all about tapas & drinking wine! Inevitably, poor Podge & Tubbs ended up sitting next to a couple who knew everything about everything: They just sat there and nodded and decided for themselves which wines they liked – They concluded they liked all the wines except for dessert wines 🙄. After this, armed with much more knowledge (about who to avoid!) they returned to the Glass House to continue learning all about wine, there way – they were by now becoming very knowledgable.
After more learning more about wine and even more knowledgable than they dat at the start of the day, they returned to their quarters where their bed beckoned.
Main birthday cake still in the fridge.
The next day, the Britannia was still parked up in Copenhagen but both Podge & Tubbs, but particularly Podge, were a little too tired to do too much so they decided to spend the day onboard relaxing on what was a very warm and sunny balcony. They sat & relaxed and discussed their retirement plan for the following year: Both agreed the following year was to be their retirement year – Podge had already retired so was a ‘Retiree in Waiting’. Part of their discussions inevitably focussed on cruising and Podge casually mentioned that they already had a Canaries Cruise on the Britannia which could mark their retirement quite nicely but it would need to be enhanced in some way. Tubbs looked at Podge and seemed to know where the discussion was heading so, she brought out the new brochure, poured a bottle (oops, that should read glass; or should it? 🤔) and looked at options. By the second glass the options were clear. All that was needed next was to visit the Future Sails/Sales desk and enquire what was available. Luck was with them: The cruise after the Canaries Cruise was a Transatlantic Cruise to the Caribbean and the suite they already had booked for the Canaries cruise was available. Well, how could they resist? It was clearly fate that two cruises back to back with the same suite available just couldn’t be ignored! So, that was that, there and then, they booked the second cruise which would give them the Canaries followed by a transatlantic culminating in four Caribbean island stops. Now, as luck would have it, the Future Sails/Sales desk was just around the corner from the Glass House so, off they went for a celebratory glass of wine. Podge and Tubbs sat sipping their wine and looking at their new 4-week cruise: Two weeks in the Canaries and a Transatlantic crossing consisting of 9-sea days, 1-stop in the Canaries plus 4-stops in the Caribbean.
As they sat there, Podge had a sudden thought: 4-Caribbean stops didn’t really seem that much, and he wondered if the next cruise was available with the same suite. A quick check on his phone suggested it was so, they drank their wine and went back to the Future Sails/Sales desk who confirmed it was. So there and then, they booked that one as well. Now, they had added two full weeks in the Caribbean with the added bonus that they would be there for Podge’s Birthday 🎂 – Podge was indeed a happy man for that.
Podge and Tubbs declared this was the perfect Retirement Cruise and with that, they returned to their quarters for a ‘small’ glass of wine followed by a short siesta before readying themselves for an evening in the Glass house for dinner but, not too much to drink as they had a very busy the next day in Skagen.
Main birthday cake still in the fridge.
As previously mentioned, the next day was in Skagen, Denmark’s most northerly town.
They went on an excursion to Grenan northern most tip of Denmark, on a Sandormen tractor/trailer to see the sandy peninsular at Grenen Beach – a tapered spit where two Nordic seas literally collide. Here, the North Sea and the Baltic sea meet. Podge & Tubbs weren’t that impressed though that may have been due to the excesses of the day before and Poor Podge needing a wee. Anyway, they re-boarded the tractor/trailer which took them back to where the coach was parked and rest rooms were in abundance. The last stop was to visit The Buried Church, and also known as Old Skagen Church. Apparently the church was constantly being partially buried by drifting sands with the congregation having to dig away the sand to clear the entrance. Eventually, Mother Nature won and the church was closed in 1795 though the tower was twice rebuilt and finally whitewashed as a lasting landmark. which only has its tower remaining after sand covered the rest over, many many years ago. There, that’s the history lesson for the day. Mind you, getting to the church and back to coach, through the forest, did provide a chance for Podge & Tubbs to increase their step count and clear their heads. The coach then took them back to the ship.
Once aboard, it was time to get ready for a peninsular party in the crows nest, held for repeat offenders. All drinks were suppplied courtesy of P&O: The very nice man behind the bar spotted them and sent over half a glass of whisky for Podge and two Cosmopolitans for Tubbs. Captain Maguire Esquire gave a speech covering the improving share price (probably because some certain passengers just won’t stop booking cruises) and thanked all those present for their continued loyalty to P&O: How lovely we felt. The Captain then hinted at new itineraries coming soon with new ports. The officers in the room were ‘pumped’ for more information but nobody was giving anything away. Then, almost in a puff of smoke, the officers disappeared and all the Lovely, Loyal, Much Loved Passengers were asked to vacate the Crows Nest as it would now need to be ‘sanitised’! Those Lovely, Loyal, Much Loved Passengers felt so ‘Unclean’! 🥺
Not being allowed to stay in the crows nest Podge & Tubbs relocated to the glass house for an hour for a glass of wine before heading to the The Epicurean for Dinner where they shared a nice bottle of Sauvignon Blanc (the next day was after all, a See The Sea Day). Cruising really can be so tiring.
Main birthday cake still in the fridge
Today was another one of those See the Sea Days which meant that Podge and Tubbs could relax a little though they did have to be at breakfast in The Epicurean before 09:30 and by now they were struggling but, they managed it knowing they could go back to their bed and have a nice siesta. But, they’d forgotten, they had booked a wine tasting session for for 11:00 that morning in the Glass House. Here they managed to share a table with M&M (not sure if M&M was stalking P&T or P&T was stalking M&M, not that anybody was bothered).The session consisted of them trying out a glass of fizzy pop and 5-different wines one of which was a Madeira Wine. Tubbs doesn’t like Madeira wine: Somehow, she ‘accidentally’ knocked it over into the cheese. Was it deliberate or was it a genuine accident? Who knows, but no need to worry as, quick as a flash, the Madeira and cheese was quickly replaced. After this it was definitely time for a siesta
In the evening, they were treated to a spectacular show in the Limelight Club with Lee Mead. Lee is an English musical theatre, television actor and singer, best known for winning the title role in the 2007 West End revival of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat through the BBC TV casting show Any Dream Will Do, and boy did he put on a show. Before the show started however they had a pre-show dinner. When the waiter asked if they had any special dietary requirements – Podge said yes, he needed chips everyday. The waiter looked perplexed as there were no chips on the menu. He took their ‘proper order’ and off he went. When he delivered the ordered meal, he scurried off and came back with a bowl of chips. Podge was well happy.
Post dinner was the inevitable end of day drinks in the crows nest followed by a weary walk back to their quarters for some much needed sleep.
Main birthday cake still in the fridge.
The following morning the ship docked in Hamburg. Podge and Tubbs had been there before and they really didn’t have any enthusiasm to go ashore this time. That said, the last time they visited the town was the afternoon of New Year’s Eve when everything was either shut or closing down. Anyway, they agreed that the rest onboard would do them no harm at all so, stay on board the did. What a lazy Pair!
During the day they had a very light lunch in the Glass House all washed down by a glass of Breaky Bottom fizzy pop: They also took the opportunity to top up their home collection with a bottle of Rare Millésimme Piper-Heidesieck 2013 Champagne, all in readiness for when Tubbs finally retires (in 2026).
The evening was spent, again, in the Glass House for dinner and some more fizzy but not before they cleaned out their fridge!
Main birthday cake finally disposed of
The following day was the last day before reaching Southampton. And this meant only one thing: A leisurely breakfast and a last look around the shops including a visit to Duty Free to collect as much booze as their allowance permitted them (Brandy for Tubbs, Whisky for Podge). Then, the time came, they had to pack. To Podge, this basically meant tipping all his grubby smalls into the suitcase followed by everything else while Tubbs however took a lot more care and took everything out of the wardrobes, etc., folding them correctly and packing them neatly in her suitcases. Job done, she turned her attention to Podge’s apology for packing and corrected his wrongdoings. Then it was time to sit down, on the balcony (it was actually quite hot which was nice) where Podge was already sitting, for the now traditional consumption of a whole bottle of Champagne that P&O had kindly given them at the beginning of the cruise 🙏.
All that was left was to have one final visit to the Crows Nest for a couple of farewell drinks and to say goodbye to all the Bar Staff that had looked after them so well. Appreciation shown, they headed back to their quarters to put out their suitcases by the door from where they would magically disappear and reappear ashore in Southampton ready for their collection. Then it was time for one last sleep in the big marshmallow bed which will be so missed.
The next morning the Britannia had reached Southampton, parked up and tied up all their strings. That was it, the cruise was over. All that was left was to have their final breakfast in the Epicurean and bade their farewells (and show their appreciation) to so many friends that they had made over the past 2-weeks: they had been looked after marvellously for the whole duration and, you know what, Podge & Tubbs just knew they would be missed and they would certainly miss all the crew in the restaurant but they took comfort in knowing they would be back [after a period of rehab/abstinence].
Navigare necesse est
Quo nos iter nostrum proximum ducet?
The Adventures of Podge & Tubbs 