The Adventures of Podge & Tubbs

This cruise was just to be for rest and relaxation after Podge had been diagnosed with Advanced Prostate Cancer (Poor Podge) and Tubbs really needed to rest as her job (She still hasn’t retired 🥺) had been incredibly stressfully, not helped by Podge’s poorliness. The plan was to ‘not do too much’ other than take the ‘Puerto Mogán on Your Own’ excursion and a Tuk Tuk Trip round Lisbon. Puerto Mogán because they just wanted to go their favourite restaurant, Café de Mogán as they always did and the Tuk Tuk for a different perspective of Lisbon. Elsewhere, they planned to chillax.

As was becoming the norm, after resting and unpacking, they went to the glass house to reacquaint themselves with a bottle of Sanziana Pinot Grigio before heading to the Crows Nest to reacquaint themselves with Malt Whiskies and Cosmopolitans. Satisfied that all was in order drinks wise, they went back to the Glass House in the hope of some Tapas before calling it a day. Lo and behold, they saw Nancy from previous cruises who greeted them both with great big hugs. Nancy made sure a table was available, by the window of course, and they settled back for some light bites and Prosecco. Before long, Podge and Tubbs were worn out and that big marshmallow bed beckoned. 🛌

During their three days at sea, they weakened and went to see the cruise loyalty man who without any introductions, said “welcome back Mr Stirzaker, Please take a seat” He knew Podge and Tubbs weren’t ones to dick around like so many other passengers: They promptly booked ‘Just 1-More Caribbean Cruise’. This was kind of forcing the issue as they now had four back-to-back cruises in the Caribbean 😎 (each with slightly different itineraries) and there was no way Tubbs would get that amount of leave. She simply had to retire beforehand.  

Cruise booked, the loyalty man was quizzed for the next cruise brochure release dates to no avail. When they got back to their quarters however they received (coincidentally) an email from PO announcing the release dates: Unfortunately, the dates were after the current cruise. This called for a trip to the Crows Nest to cheer themselves up. They sat themselves at the bar and suddenly realised they were also sitting at the bar was a young couple who had just been married by the Captain. The Captain announced that they had got married and encouraged us all to congratulate them. They naturally congratulated the couple who both looked wonderful in their wedding outfits and bought them a drink and spent an hour chatting to them before the couple went off to Dinner. Podge and Tubbs looked at each and both remarked how nobody came up to the couple to say congratulations. 🥺 Anyway, enough of that…..

The cruise was spent, as per the last cruise island hopping from Madeira to La Palma to Tenerife to Gran Canaria to Lanzarote then onto Cadiz followed by Lisbon and finally back to Southampton.

• Notable events of the cruise, for Podge and Tubbs:

Captains Lunch: It’s not really a Captains Lunch. It’s actually a special lunch as part of the Peninsular Club Benefits programme. It used to be the case that each table had a senior officer on each table but since Covid and [possibly] with the increase in numbers it’s now a special Fine Dining Event. It was at the lunch that Tubbs espied Ajit, the Hotel General Manager. On seeing them, Ajit said he would look out for them in the Crows Nest while on his rounds: This made Tubbs very happy.

Lunch thus forth ensued accompanied by much fizzy pop and wine and stern looks from Tubbs at Podge to tell him not to get carried away as they had booked into the Limelight that evening to see Matt Cardle, winner of the seventh series of the X-Factor and, as it transpired was very, very good. Podge in turn did indeed take it easy by skipping on desert and declined all offers of red wine: White wine and fizzy pop was however readily consumed arguing that that it was quite a light drink, which made it all ok.

Madeira: on previous trips to Madeira, Podge and Tubbs would normally walk around the port into town to have his favourite meal (Omelette and chips 😋) at the The Ritz Madeira (how posh is Podge!). Due to the recent diagnosis of his new disease however a last minute change of plans was made with an excursion to have Tea at Reids Palace to save on the walking and, to see something different! Podge gets tired very easily when having to walk too far – that’s his story and he’s sticking to it 😉 The coach driver initially took them to the highest view point of Funchal and the Britannia with the tour guide explaining that in the past month they had actually had snow! At least they dodged that!

La Palma – How many shoes does one woman want! Podge’s estimate was 110(ish) pairs plus numerous handbags for all events. Let’s just keep that in mind 🤔. Following previous visits to La Palma where they nearly alway stopped for a quick beer they had decided that this time they would try out a place to eat that Podge called the Placenta bar, it was actually called the Restaurante la Placeta. So off they went, following the blue line from the port into town passing normal port side shops and bars and, a MacDonalds (Podge wasn’t allowed in, Poor Podge) before heading into the ‘main drag’ heading slowly, very slowly uphill. Podge tired very easily so when Tubbs stopped to look into a window next to a pharmacy, Podge took the opportunity to pop in and buy a couple of Ventolin inhalers (so much easier than getting prescriptions, and really quite cheap). As he came out, Tubbs was nowhere to be seen, then he spotted that the window she had been looking in was that of a shoe and handbag shop. Resigned, he walked in and there she was, trying on some new shoes while checking out the handbag selection. Needless to say, purchases were made after which Podge was allowed to head for the Restaurant for much needed wine and food. Hunger and thirst sated, Podge Rested they then made made their way back down the ‘main drag’ and into the port and finally back onto the ship.

Tenerife – One of the things that Podge does like to do in the morning is make a nice cup of tea for Tubbs and Podge himself, and then sitting out on the balcony and enjoying a bit a bit peace of quiet: If arriving in port that morning Podge also likes to watch as the Britannia (it’s normally the Britannia but could be one of the other P&O Ships) makes her way into port, park up and tie up all the strings. All the while planning the days activities before Tubbs announces what the actual activities will be 🤣. As they were to be in Tenerife for the day it had been decided that they would take a slow walk into town then walk a short distance up the main street as Tubbs wanted to ‘re-visit’ a clothes shop. Podge was tired, very tired, but decided that he would go along with the plan.

And so it was Podge and Tubbs breakfasted, in the Epicurean of course, then made their way ashore and started into the main street. Unfortunately, the shop was right at the top of the climb and it was very warm and Podge was getting slower and slower but eventually they reached Tubbs’ goal and podge sat and rested while Tubbs checked out shoes, handbag, and tops but could find nothing she wanted and so that made their way back down the hill until they found a bar they had espied on previous visits and stopped for a beer, or three. After being badgered by 4 different people asking for money they both felt that the time was now right for them to return to the mother ship: The original plan was to have lunch before going back to the ship but they felt there was no longer the appeal as there was on previous visits.

As the original pan was to have lunch ashore, Podge & Tubbs had made no prior arrangements to eat on board on this day. They thus headed to the Glass House for a small wine (for small, read 1 bottle) and asked if it was possible to get a meal there. The lovely Nancy came up trumps once more and we were promptly given a nice quiet table by the window. Hunger sated they returned to their quarters for a nice rest and a small drink as the Britannia untied the strings and set sail for Gran Canaria. Satisfied that the Captain had adopted the correct course, they went back to the Glass House for evening drinks. They were however quite restrained as they were feeling quite woozy and tired so they did in fact have an early night.

Gran Canaria
Podge and Tubbs boarded the bus for Porto Mogan in Gran Canaria and enjoyed the company of everybody on the bus. Once at their stop however, it was time for Podge to shift up a gear and ignore every aspect of the town and took all the shortcuts they knew straight to Café de Mogán where they had lunch consisting of: wine; starters; wine; main course (Omelette and chips for Podge); wine; a small(!) desert and; more wine. Hunger sated, they made their way back to the bus, where Tubbs insisted on stopping, as she always did, at a [Health] Food Shop where they bought lots of healthy food covered in chocolate! 🤔

The Rain in Spain falls mainly in Lanzarote – As the Britannia called into Lanzarote, Podge performed his normal duties of checking the parking and tying of strings before Her Tubbsness awoke came out to join him on the balcony. Together, they looked at the skies, as they always did but today there was little promise of unbroken sunshine. They agreed that if they were going to go ashore, it should be sooner rather than later. Podge wasn’t so sure about going ashore at all – something told him it wasn’t going to be a good day for sightseeing. Tubbs however didn’t have the same thoughts and anyway, she wanted to try out a tapas bar on the other side of the lagoon. So, after breakfast, they got their stuff together and made their way towards the lagoon, stopping as Tubbs has a habit of doing to look at clothes shop (she was always on the lookout for a new top) but found nothing she wanted – Podge breathed a sigh of relief. So on they went, to the Lagoon.

Podge couldn’t stop looking at the sky however – even Tubbs was starting to become concerned – and so they settled up and started to walk, quite quickly, back to the ship. They reached the gangway just as it started to spit and skies got darker and an eerie wind blew through: This was Podge’s cue to announce there was a front coming in. Once aboard, they made their way back to the cabin where Podge helped himself to a larger whiskey (before Tubbs could stop him) and went out onto the balcony to watch the inevitable rains arrive and descend – and descend they did, accompanied by massive claps of thunder and flashes of lightening. Tubbs demanded Podge came back into the cabin but he was having none of it: He was going to stay there watch all his fellow cruiser dashing back to the getting wetter and wetter and wetter. The weather deteriorated even more. The ship failed to depart on time as we had to wait for a number of passenger who had got stuck in the deluge of rain causing them be over an hour late returning from their own expeditions. It then transpired that Lanzarote had declared a State of Emergency after hundreds of homes and roads had been flooded as can be seen here and here. Podge had another whisky.

Once safely at sea, Podge and Tubbs got ready for an evening in The Limelight Club for an evening of dining and entertainment provided by Kelly Mathieson and what an evening it turned out to be. Both Podge and Tubbs agreed that Kelly was somebody they would love to see again – hint to P&O. They also agreed that the meals provided were beyond expectation with Podge even declaring that Filet Steak was far better than the ones he’d had in the Epicurean. Podge and Tubbs were happy and content. They then rounded the evening off with drinks in the Glass House, just for a change 😋.

Cadiz – On their previous stop at Cadiz, Podge & Tubbs opted to take an excursion to Seville which mean they had to be port side waiting for their bus before daybreak. This time, they decided that experience wasn’t for them. They decided that they would give excursions a miss and just go it alone and find their own way around Cadiz. Come the day however it was announced that the Britannia would be parked in the commercial dock area which would mean getting a shuttle bus to and from the other side of the port.

Having looked at the weather however they felt quite reluctant to go ashore at all. It turned out to be a good decision as other fellow passengers came back saying how difficult it was to get around with much of the city preparing for religious events (Chiquito Carnival of Cádiz) which may have been the real reason the ship was directed to the other side of the docks.

Cadiz remain unexplored by Podge & Tubbs but, they will be back later in the year so that day was taken as an R & R day.

Lisbon – Post breakfast, Podge and Tubbs made their way ashore for the final excursion of the cruise which to be Tuk-Tuk ride for a touristy trip around Lisbon – They’d made numerous visits to Lisbon and and developed a penchant for Pastéis de Belém and this trip promised an easy way to get one. As they set off they very quickly became aware of just how many Tuk-Tuk’s there were in town: They were everywhere.

Their first stop, which was a very nice stop as it turned out, was at a local rustic looking bar where they were introduced to local wines and Port as well as various cheeses and accompaniments, in this case it was [Tomato] Jam! Podge and Tubbs bought much cheese and Jam! They don’t know why, they just did.

After the stop, they set off off in the Tuk-Tuk, turning left left, turning right, going up, going down, turning right, turning left while the driver gave a nonstop narration about Lisbon and the local districts they were driving through, all the time avoiding what seemed like every Tuk-Tuk that had ever been made. Eventually, they arrived, along with a quite a few other Tuk-Tuk’s at what was to be the custard tart stop. Everybody piled in just like they were on a school trip, shepherded to the back of establishment where they were all served a plate of yummy tarts – such yummy tarts didn’t take long to disappear. Tarts consumed, they headed back to their Tuk-Tuk and the driver headed straight for the cruise terminal whereupon Podge and Tubbs were released and free to return to the lovely Britannia.

Going through security they found themselves in duty free 😋. Aha Podge thought 🤔, we’ve been through security so they (P&O) won’t be checking our bags! Tubbs bought Port (of course she did), but Podge wasn’t allowed whisky 🥃 (of course he wasn’t) – poor Podge. Tubbs also bought some Pastise de Belanger – very, very similar to Pastéis de Belém – then, they re-boarded. They quickly scurried off to their quarters to stash their purchases and went to the Glass House and ordered a bottle of Primitivo wine 🍷. Podge also had a whisky (large of course) while Tubbs had a Bellini. The kind and caring man behind the bar had got used to their drinking habits and had started giving glasses of water to accompany each of their drinks (there were actually quite grateful for that). 🥴 Drinks consumed, they returned to their quarters for a much needed lie down, for an hour, then sat out on the balcony to watch the rain and to watch Lisbon slowly disappearing behind the mist and clouds waiting to bid farewell (with whisky 🥃 in Podge’s grasp) and start the long sail home while reflecting on what had been quite a good and eventful trip. 

NB: – That special ‘rare’ bottle of champagne (Rare Millésimme Piper-Heidesieck 2013) that Podge had his eyes on throughout the previous cruise was still there. They could resist it no longer: They bought it. Not to drink there and then but to take home and drink later when Tubbs did finally retire. 😋

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