The Adventures of Podge & Tubbs

During their boarding process on board, they met Ajit, the Hotel General Manager they had met on their previous Britannia Cruise just 8-months previously. Tubbs being Tubbs gave poor Ajit a great big hug while Podge politely shook his hand.

After resting amd unpacking, they waited until they’d sailed then went to the glass house for some rather yummy tapas and a bottle of Bacchus before heading to the Crows Nest where they met the head barman Brian (they still don’t know his real name) from their last cruise and sat with a guy who was now on his second (back-2-back) cruise: This day turned out to be his 86th birthday so they just had to stay and toast the event with a couple of whiskies (Podge) and cosmopolitans (Tubbs) before caving in and going to bed ‘early’, i.e., the same day they got up. 

After 3-days at sea they reached Funchal, Madeira. It’s probably not worth covering their sea day antics as they followed the same as almost all other sea days: They just chillaxed taking in the suns rays and drinking lots and lots of water (to start with). Eventually, The Duchess would need to stretch her legs so off they would go to the shops. After this, Podge invariably needs to stretch his legs as well so a couple of laps are normally suggested followed by a rest at the Sunset Bar for a Pink Gin Spritz and a Mai Tai or two. That’s their story and they’re sticking to it. 🤥

During their three days at sea, they weakened and went to see the cruise loyalty man and promptly booked a cruise to coincide with with Debbies Birthday next year (not a special birthday just another year older type of birthday) – on the Britannia of course to Norway including Oslo this time, Denmark and Germany. While booking this, they quizzed the Loyalty Man as to when the new itinerary would be coming out but he said nothing but his expressions suggested that he did know something but press him as they they might, he would say nothing!

After booking a cruise both Podge and Tubbs agreed what thirsty work that had been so called in at the Glass house. They settled down and researched the menu [thoroughly] and finally settled on a nice looking Zensa Primitivo 😋🍷 as recommended by the barman – Kudzai who recognised them from a previous cruise! Anyway, the plan was to have a glass and take the rest back to the cabin: Then, they had another glass and promised themselves then they would take the rest back to the cabin; Then, they drunk the rest and took nothing back to the cabin; Naughty Podge and Tubbs. 

The cruise was spent island hopping from La Palma to Tenerife to Gran Canaria to Lanzarote then onto Cadiz followed by Lisbon and finally back to Southampton.

Notable events of the cruise, for Podge and Tubbs:

Podge and Tubbs boarded the bus for Porto Mogan in Gran Canaria where they had to  listen to people trying to convince whoever can hear them how awful their holiday is! So, once at their stop Podge and Tubbs headed to their favourite bar/restaurant (Café de Mogán) where they had lunch, wine, starters and more wine. On their way back to the bus, Tubbs insisted on stopping at a [Health] Food Shop where they bought lots of healthy food covered in chocolate! 🤔

When they reached Lanzarote, they met Lady Val and Sir Reg who have their own place in the southern end of the Island. First of all they went for a coffee in Malecón by the ‘lagoon’ as Podge called it before seting off for a tour of the island with Sir Reg Driving and Lady Val navigating [from the back seat]. It turns out that although they stay in Lanzarote quite a lot (they have their own ‘place in the sun’), Lady Val is very bad at navigating and very quickly confused Sir Reg. As he was, quite rightly, sitting in the front Podge wipped out his phone and googled directions to a restaurant somewhere in the hills and very quickly reached their destination (Bodegas Rubicón) while Lady Val and the Duchess, quite rightly, sat back and chin wagged for the whole duration.

Dinner that evening was in the Beach House followed by the inevitable visit to the Glass House where they caught up with a couple (Andy & Denise) who seemed to do the same thing each day and ending up in the Glass House. On this occasion however they were quite indignant as the night before, they had to pay for their last three drinks even though they had a drinks package. The barman did point out that the drink limit was 15 per day! And Podge and Tubbs thought they had a problem! On top of all that they they recanted how they purchased a beach towel ashore, at a bargain price with elephant patterns. The trouble was, when it got wet on the beach the ink ran and left elephant prints on their backs & bums 🤣 

The Rain in Spain falls mainly in Seville – As the Britannia called into Cadiz, Podge & Tubbs, knowing they would be back to Cadiz later in the following year, decided to take an excursion to Seville. This did however require getting up at 05:30 which, as far as they were concerned was way before even the cows got up, for the bus. It was dark, very dark and, it was gloomy, very gloomy and both Podge & Tubbs were tired, very tired. They were however excited at the prospect of visiting Seville and marvelling at the Royal Alcázar of Seville: As the Game of Thrones was filmed in four parts of the Seville Alcazar, Podge really was keen to see it and tour the Ambassadors’ Hall, Mercury’s Pool, the Baths of Maria de Padilla, and the gardens, however…..

On the way to Seville, the gloominess got gloomier and the heavens opened and the rain came, and the rain came. Yes, the rain was warm but it was still rain and poor Podge and Tubbs got very, very wet after getting off the bus. They had to buy umbrellas: two at at 6 euros each. Looking at the queues to get in, they elected to view Parque de Maria Luisa crescent from behind railings while standing under cover until it was time to go back to the bus to drive to city centre. From there, they walked, they walked and they walked, brollies deployed, (they started to think they we were walking back to Cadiz) then stopped by the Seville Cathedral. From here they were released (for good behaviour?) with strict instructions to be back in 2-hours. They looked at the queue to visit the Cathedral and immediately found a tapas bar serving ‘only’ drinks including moreish wine 😋 (Podge had two). Loos checked out: gents had slide floors🥴 ladies had no seat and flyaway loo roll dispenser. So, they found another tapas bar. This one served Tapas and of course drinks. So, wine and tapas was ordered and consumed (Podge had 2 wines), all of which were very good.. loo problem continued however for the ladies as there was stil no loo seat 🥹 

Eventually, they went back to to the meeting point, where they were then walked round the Jewish quarter then back to bus and yes, it was still raining. Eventually got back to Cadiz where the sun was shining 🤨 but they had no time to look around as they needed to get back on board and get ready for the evening where they were booked into The Limelight to see Ray Quinn and enjoy a yummy meal and yummy drinks. After the show, they retired to the Glass House for a bottle of Bacchus. By now, even Podge was starting to wain so off to bed they went. Fortunately, clocks were to go back so they got an extra hour in bed. 

The Rain Also Falls in Lisbon – During the morning of the Lisbon call, Podge and Tubbs saw a lovely cruise to the Caribbean in 2027: How could they resist? They couldn’t. They booked it. They then remembered that they didn’t like flying home, so they booked the follow on cruise back to Southampton. That was three cruises booked in one cruise. Podge and Tubbs were very, very happy.

Then they went ashore: They got as far as the road, looked at the rain: There was a lot of rain and, it was cold rain so, they turned round, went back in. Going through security they found themselves in duty free 😋. Aha Podge thought 🤔, we’ve been through security so they won’t check our bags! Podge bought Port, but Tubbs’s wouldn’t allow whisky 🥃 – poor Podge. Tubbs bought some Pastise de Belanger then, they re-boarded. They quickly scurried off to their quarters to stash their purchases and went to the Glass House and ordered a bottle of Primitivo wine 🍷. Podge also had a whisky while Tubbs had a Bellini. The kind and caring man behind the bar kept giving them pints of water to accompany their drinks 🥴 Drinks consumed, they returned to their quarters for a much needed lie down, for an hour, then sat out on the balcony to watch the rain and to watch Lisbon slowly disappearing behind the mist and clouds waiting to bid farewell (with whisky 🥃 in Podge’s grasp) and start the long sail home. 

That evenings dinner was in the Beach House where they had a most enjoyable meal but found themselves astounded at the eating manners of so many of fellow passengers who saw no problem chatting and joking, about nothing sensible, across to others around others. A peaceful meal it wasn’t. On completing the meal, they left the knobs, and made their way to the Glass House. 

As they sat enjoying their new found favourite Sanziana Pinot Grigio from Romania their new drinking companions Andy & Denise arrived and set up camp at the bar with them. Much discussions (mostly meaningless) were had over many glasses of wine on a number of ‘subjects’.  However, the special ‘rare’ bottle of champagne (Rare Millésimme Piper-Heidesieck 2013) that Podge had his eyes on throughout the cruise had disappeared from the [on show] shelf. Andy declared that he had bought it and drunk it.. much to the amusement from the bar staff who had hidden it… not drunk or bought at all!! Naughty Andy😆.. Andy knew that Podge had been eying it with a view to drinking it on the last night of our cruise. They bought one more bottle just so that they could have one more glass and take the rest back to their quarters. The bottle never made it 🥴 This was another day they didn’t go to bed on the same day they got up.

After that, it was back to Southampton and both Podge and Tubbs decided they didn’t want to recount that aspect: They were so, so sad though, they did know they would be back in April the following year when Podge would have that Rare Millésimme Piper-Heidesieck 2013 come what may.

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