The Adventures of Podge & Tubbs

After a night sailing on what must be the flattest sea known to mankind, we sailed into Tallinn just in time for Breakfast. As we approached the port, I got his feeling that this was going to be a happy place. I don’t know why, I just did. Things did darken a bit however the the Holland – America Eurodam ‘block of flats’ Cruise Ship parked right next to us. Why is it that wherever we go, we are followed by foreigners?

This morning did however find both Debbie’s Mum and I feeling tired and listless. We were both down to visit the Kadriorg Palace just outside of Tallinn itself while Debbie and Nick were to enjoy the Wildlife Treasures of Estonia. Debbie felt that her Mum and I wouldn’t be able to cope with the Wildlife tour on account of our advancing years and frailty(!) On reflection she was probably right as neither actually felt up to the Palace Trip and so we both opted to take a rest and stay on board.

Even though I didn’t visit the Palace, I can still say a bit about it. The Palace is an exceptional example of Baroque architecture  with an outstanding main hall decorated with superb stucco work and ceiling paintings as a primary but not only feature. The Palace itself used to be a residence of Peter the Great. The name Kadriorg means Catherine’s Valley  being named after Catherine I. Used as a summer residence, it was visited by most of the Russian Rulers. These days however, the Palace acts as a home for the Western & Russian Art Museum: I wish I’d gone now.

Debbie and Nick arrived back from the Wildlife Adventure absolutely full of it, saying that it was probably the best trip they had been on, even better than Rasputin. This really didn’t make me feel any better about missing the Palace. Apparently, they walked through forests, over peat bogs and onto a nice lunch stop which they’re still going on about now. Nick tried the local alcohol free bread based beer but was denounced as horrible buy both Nick & Debbie (tee hee) before they strolled down to the beach for a while before heading back and disappearing into a local market.

While they were away, Peggy and I did manage to stroll into town if only to say that we had at least visited Tallinn / Estonia where we also visited a local market where, like Debbie, we managed to purchase yet more essential items (Fridge Magnets, Tourist books, etc) to take home.

The one thing we did notice was the smiles and happiness about the place and how welcoming everybody seemed.

All too soon however, the time came for us to leave Tallinn. This meant another sail away party, though this time, there was no dunking, though still much drinking. Before we could leave however, the Eurodam, fully of jolly foreigners, had to depart. Naturally we cheered her on her way with much waving of Union Jacks and much singing of patriotic songs lead by our very own bass-baritone Anthony Stuart Lloyd.

As soon they had left, we realised just how much they had been shielding us from the wind when a large number of parasols went flying along with flags and hats. Ah well, at least we had seen off another ship.

And so, it was our turn to sail away with a party atmosphere something akin to Last Night of the Proms mixed with that of a Great British Knees Up.

And so, Debbie and I headed back to our cabin to prepare for Dinner (tonight was a formal night so we had to wear our posh frocks (Debbie) and DJ’s (me) which would require some preparation). On the way however, we met the couple we had been sharing our evening Dinner Table with, who invited us to stay and have some Gin & Tonic first. Well, why not. So we did, and very soon afterwards, Debbie was a giggly little girl again: Uh Oh.

We eventually made ourselves ready and so off we went for Dinner and fizzy pop. This was when Jerry admitted to being on a previous cruise when the Eurodam had ‘parked’ next door and he became confused at how many same sex couples there seemed to be coming off the [Eurodam] ship until it was pointed out to him that it had been chartered in its entirety by the gay community. Poor Jerry. He became so worried when it turned up again this morning. But then, every ship has it’s peculiarities!

After dinner, we had to endure, sorry, enjoy dog racing which seems to have hooked Debbie, her mum and Nick, before retiring to the Observatory for some well earned brandy safe in the knowledge that yet again, we could put the clocks back an hour.

Still not weight loss. But, there’s still time. 🙂 Isn’t there?

Today was the third and final day in St Petersburg and you know, despite all my moaning and protestations about Russia and the, apparent, surliness, I have really enjoyed the visit and have found the tours really interesting. I know some of the tours may have been a little long but overall, I would definitely recommend the trip to anyone and would even come again. Maybe next time, it might be possible to arrange an overnight excursion to Moscow. Hint to Uncle Fred Olsen.:-)

So, this being the last chance to go ashore in Russia, we naturally stayed on board in the morning which allowed us the luxury of a leisurely breakfast while most of the passengers were already ashore. It also allowed us time to check out our new neighbours. Having  got rid of the Italians yesterday, we awoke to find The Emerald Princess and the Crystal Serenity had moved in. There was also another ship called the Gemini but it wasn’t one I’d heard of so it was of no consequence.

After lunch, which we knew would need, we (Nick & I) set off to check out the Yusupov Palace while Debbie and her Mum went off souvenir shopping, cash & credit card at the ready.

Now for the educational bit:

Yusupov Palace was where Rasputin the ‘Mad Monk’ finally met his untimely end. Nicholas II and his wife Alexandria saw Rasputin as a Holy Man who had been sent by God to protect their boy Alexis (heir to the throne). This was because he was the only person who could apparently stop their sons bleeding (he suffered from haemophilia).After a while however, there became an underlying air of concern that Rasputin was too close to the family and as such held potentially too much power.  Given these concerns, a group of aristocrats in league with the Grand Duke Dmitri Pavlovich (a cousin of Nicholas II) and Prince Felix Yusupov got together in 1916 to ‘save Russia’ by assassinating Rasputin by meeting him for a drink and for his to be laced with Cyanide. Unfortunately, they didn’t know that Cyanide was neutralised by the drink they put it in!

The images below show the recreation of the room under the Palace where the assassins waited for Rasputin to die after being [unsuccessfully] poisoned with Cyanide and then shot at point blank range.

Even the shot failed as Rasputin managed to get out of the room and into the courtyard before being shot again. This time, satisfied the monk was dead, they wrapped him in a blanket and through him into the river. Unfortunately, they forgot to weigh him down and he was discovered two days later (he was definitely dead by this time). After the body was retrieved, the doctors performed an autopsy and found that there was water in his lungs indicating that he did in fact eventually die from drowning.

The images below are just a few samples of the Yusupov Palace. The Palace, located on the Moika Embankment is seen as a fine example of Russian Classicism influenced further by it’s owners, the Yusupov Princes. The Princes were indeed wealthy and comparable to that of the Romanovs. They were great collectors of art although most of what is now in the Yusupov Palace are in fact replicas with the originals having been relocated to the Hermitage after the revolution. 

Anyway, tour over, we had 20 minutes to browse the adjoining souvenir shop for making those last minute essential purchases. Knowing that Debbie was already hunting down those items we never knew we needed, I opted to buy a book on St Petersburg plus a cheap Russian Doll, decorated for Christmas (you can never be too prepared for the festive season) and some nice Russian Chocolate for any little people we may see when we get back home.

When I got back to the ship and showed my bounty to She Who Must be Ignored, I mean, Obeyed, she enquired as to why I had bought another book on St Petersburg, showing me the identical book I had bought yesterday (oops, another senior moment methinks). As for the chocolate, well that was met with approval and of the four bars purchased, only one now remains. She didn’t think much of my doll saying that it looked strangely evil and cheap, which actually it was (cheap that is): It was only 180 Roubles which is about £4 so I couldn’t argue that it was cheap. Her doll however was exactly the blooming opposite. Hers cost 6000 Roubles which worked out to be, a_lot more than mine.

After this, Smug Debbie and Dejected Moi, went up to the Sun Deck for a drink and a sticky bun. While there we enjoyed the Sail Away party where free drinks were flowing freely the music was playing and the crew were dancing. Now bearing in mind that all this was taking place around the pool, the inevitable was inevitable and sure enough one of the crew went in the pool. Better still, he was followed by the Cruise Director. Unfortunately, her blouse was inappropriate wear for being in the pool but luckily some concerned passengers offered her towels to cover herself. Still it was all in good humour. Eventually, as the Balmoral sailed onwards, St Petersburg disappeared over the horizon and all went off to prepare for Dinner.

Dinner itself was well received and made all the more enjoyable in the knowledge that we had to put our clocks back 1-hour so getting an extra hours sleep. Yippee.

After dinner we ‘retired’, again, to the Observatory Lounge for a couple of rather large brandy’s safe in the knowledge that we had an extra hours sleep but forgetting that tomorrow brought us to Tallinn in Estonia and an early start for our tours. Eventually however, we realised and off we went to bed.

Did I lose weight today? Did I heck. Maybe, I’ll lose some tomorrow. Then again, maybe I wont!

At last, land fall. After three and a bit days at sea, we finally reach dry land at Helsinki, the Capital of Finland. Although our arrival was delayed by a medical airlift the previous day we made good time and from a going ashore perspective, made little or no difference to anyone’s planned itinerary.

Our planned itinerary was to take a tour showing us the highlights of Helsinki and then for us to visit the Ice Bar and Hotel. This billed as having been made out of ice in which could sample the delights of sleeping on an ice bed, eating at an ice table and, more importantly, drinking at an ice bar. Naturally therefore, it was going to be cold: it was cold: it was –4 inside: it was +25 outside: we were dressed for +25. So, we were given snow boots, extra socks, gloves and a thermal suit to wear. We did look attractive.

Once inside, we were greeted by an Arctic, or is it Antarctic, landscape with Reindeer, Igloos, plus Sledge and Toboggan runs. Outside of the Igloos, was a restaurant carved out of the ice and a bar, which incidentally was serving complementary vodka. Now, me being well ‘ard, I hadn’t bothered with gloves, and boy didn’t I know it when I picked up the glass only find that it was actually made out of ice, jeez, it was cold. The nice lady behind the bar said I could take the glass home as a souvenir if I wanted then she gave me another shot of vodka [cos I was a nice man].

After that we checked out the ‘huskies’ who were taking people round on a sledge to give them the feel of travel in the Arctic. The dogs weren’t actually Huskies but they were lovely doggies anyway but we passed on the sledge ride. We checked out the igloos and ice beds then we found Santa’s house.

All too soon we had to return to the ship though we did get a chance to stop on the way at a souvenir shop and Cathedral carved into the rock. Here we found why Santa wasn’t at home. He was at the souvenir shop having a rest with a couple of trolls.

After dinner we ‘retired’, again, to the Observatory Lounge for a couple of rather large brandy’s. And then it was off to bed. Tomorrow we take on Russia via St Petersburg and on the way we put clocks forward another blooming hour. Worse still, we have an early start for a tour to Peterhof Palace.

Maybe, I’ll lose some weight tomorrow.

Wow, what a glorious sunny and calm day today was. There genuinely wasn’t a cloud to be seen. And, even though we had put the clock’s forward by another blooming hour, the day was making it’s presence known around 04:30 though I did quickly go back to sleep. I awoke at around 08:00 to a nice hot cup of coffee, which makes a change as it’s normally that’s up and making the drinks. Maybe my cankles made me sleepier than normal. One thing’s for sure, I was in right grump for breakfast, made even worse by the fact that my full English Breakfast came with scrambled rather fried eggs, and no black pudding to be seen. I wasn’t happy.

Anyway, hunger sated, we all went for a walk around the deck for another four laps (1-mile) before settling down for a well earned latte coffee and yet another session of dolphin racing and lo and behold, Master Nicholas another £6 to go with his £66 win from bingo yesterday.

As today was a sea day and as the weather was as I said before, glorious, we had pretty much a lazy day sitting and reading interrupted by the need to for lunch and afternoon tea and then early evening drinks before dinner, when everybody was invited to dress like a cowboy / cowgirl: Lucky I had a chequered shirt then.

Early evening brought with it an announcement from the Captain that we would be making a quick route change and head towards Stockholm in Sweden from where a helicopter was being urgently despatched to collect a passenger who had been taken too ill to continue and needed urgent medical care. Not sure what the problem was nor should it. I only wish all the very best to him or her and hope for a speedy recovery.

Naturally, the detour would put us back a little and so our arrival at the next port would be later than planned.

In the restaurant we sat and waited for our other table companions before ordering. We waited, and we waited and we waited and I started to wonder who was in that helicopter, and then just as I was becoming concerned they arrived:Phew. And with that we all tucked into Southern Fried Chicken, T-Bone Steak, Chilli Beans and of course Chips. Yum Yum.

After dinner we ‘retired’, again, to the Observatory Lounge for a couple of rather large brandy’s. And then it was off to bed. After all, tomorrow brings with it Helsinki though maybe a little later than originally planned.

Maybe, I’ll lose some weight tomorrow.